I woke up at 5:13 this morning to go running (because I run Thursdays), but instead I am sitting here drinking a cup of tea and listening to the radio. Deep down, I know that taking a break this morning is the right thing for my body and my baby. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty.
This makes me think; why do we so frequently feel guilty for doing things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things? Skipping a run, eating that second (or third… or fourth…) slice of cake, sitting on your ass for eight hours a day at your desk (okay, the last one isn’t really a good thing). These are all examples of things I frequently feel guilty about, and I wonder why it should be so.
Pregnancy is a strange time. You want to do what’s best for your baby, but who really knows what that is? In my first trimester, all I could eat for breakfast was soft-boiled eggs and toast. But… runny yolk! I felt guilty every single time I ate toast dipped in that delicious yolk, because when you’re pregnant you’re supposed to make sure the egg is fully cooked! But it was either that or no food–which would be the best, really? I still eat soft-boiled eggs now in my second trimester and my baby is declared extremely healthy at every doctor’s appointment.
Running is a whole other ballgame. In the beginning, I felt guilty for running 12-ish miles on a Saturday because I didn’t know if it was too much for my baby (even though my doctor okayed it). I felt guilty for running a half-marathon at the beginning of my second trimester even though I ran remarkably slower than I ever have before. Now, I feel guilty for averaging 10 miles a week instead of the 30-35 I was running before baby. But then I think; running is more difficult for me now. I’m slower, it takes more energy, and sometimes I’m just too tired to even think about lacing up my shoes and heading out the door. But I’m not sitting around every morning. I now swim three mornings a week, and I’m still lifting three to four times a week. In addition, I’ve started doing prenatal yoga and I’ve been walking more. So why feel guilty for skipping a run?
I really think that guilt is just part of life for me (and many people). If it wasn’t regarding running (or lack of it), I’d be feeling guilty for eating too much, or not eating enough. It’d be great to break this cycle of guilt, but I have a feeling that once the baby comes, I’ll just be feeling guilty for not doing enough/doing too much for my daughter.
Do you suffer from guilt? What’s your biggest thing to feel guilty about?