Today started good and ended good, but there was some not-so-good stuff in the middle.
Day 11 (March 26)
I got up early to get a run in outside before hubby left for work. It was nice to be outside and get some exercise in while it was quiet.
Once I was showered and logged onto my computer, though, I found that I had very little motivation to do anything. At the same time, I was feeling guilty that Rose was watching TV again. Later on, she wanted me to play a game with her and I told her I was working, to which she responded “nobody ever wants to play with me and nobody likes me” and started crying. So, of course, that made me feel even worse.
I was at a point today where I thought that if this goes on for months, I don’t know if I will be able to keep it up. Something’s gotta give. My friends talked me down from the ledge, though, and I told my boss in our one on one how I was feeling: like I was doing a shitty job all around. He reassured me that I am doing the important stuff and that I also need to take care of my family and not feel guilty for that.
I think something we overlook in all of this is how unprecedented this situation is. Whoever would have thought a month ago that we would be trying to work from home with our kids? With a toddler, it’s impossible to just put him outside to play so I can get some quiet. He is very daring and has no concept of danger, so any unsupervised activity would likely end in injury. But it’s so hard to focus when he is around because I always have half an eye on what he’s doing. Rose is much more self-sufficient but situations like today’s just make me feel guilty that I can’t play and have fun with her all day.
I feel like a broken record saying all this. But it helps to write it down, and it helps to know I am not the only one trying to navigate this.
After Liam’s nap, we walked 2.5 miles outside and it was soothing and glorious.
One more day until the weekend!