I’m starting to sound like a broken record, but today was hard. This week was hard. Tomorrow is the start of a new month and there’s no end in sight for our current situation, and that is hard. I’m just exhausted this week: with my kids, with work, with myself, with life.
Day 47 (April 30)
Just like most days this week, today started out fine. I got up, worked out, had coffee and breakfast in the quiet before the kids woke up. Rose slept until 8 this morning; it was like some kind of miracle.
I decided I would limit TV today and try to get her using her brain or moving more. She did the ABC Mouse app this morning; still screen time but more educational than starting at Netflix for hours. She did some art and played quietly and it was after lunch before we turned the TV on. Great progress!
Rose had a video chat with one of her daycare buddies this afternoon and they had fun (though there wasn’t really any “chatting”; they just played games and talked over each other). I told her we would go for our walk at 4 when I was finished working and she agreed.
But then 4 came and I said it was time for our walk, and the tears and whining began. After 15 minutes I decided I didn’t have the energy to fight with her so I would forgo my walk even though we had agreed that we would go. It wasn’t great outside today so at the end of the day it’s not the hugest deal. But in today’s world, when our schedules are practically non-existent, that daily walk is often what holds me together. Without it today, I unraveled.
In the grand scheme of things, we are fine. I am fine. Everything is fine. But this week has been so hard and I don’t know how we are meant to do this for another month (at minimum!). I don’t feel like I can do my job properly, but I also couldn’t stomach being home with the kids without work to distract me. I also think it would be really hard to work at home full-time right now without the kids here to distract me. It’s an impossible situation and there is no solution but to keep going and remember that it WILL end eventually… we just don’t know when.
I’m taking tomorrow off and planning to go for a long run by myself for some peace and quiet and to unwind. Hoping we can start next week with a fresh perspective, less attitude (from the kids AND from me), and nicer weather because the cold and wet weather this week has definitely made an impact on my mood.